Chapter 3: The Accident

This was a lot more difficult than I expected. Prior to posting this, I have really only ever spoken to a few people about the events of that September day.

You can watch the video here:

It is so incredible that our brains and bodies can be transported back into a situation that happened so long ago. As I was filming, it was like I was there. The panic and fears came flooding back.

Abuse is the only crime (or one of very few) where the victim is immediately questioned and responsibility is placed on the victim. Questions like

“Why did you stay so long?”

“What did you do to make him mad?”

“What did you do to try to protect yourself?”

“What were you wearing?” (in SA situations)

Those questions all put the blame on the victim. And remove fault and responsibility from the perpetrator. Why is that our first instinct? Why aren’t we safe-havens for people reaching out?

According to the CDC, “about 41% of women and 26% of men experienced contact sexual violence, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner and reported an intimate partner violence-related impact during their lifetime.” [1] And only around 27% of domestic abuse cases are reported to law enforcement. Every 9 seconds, in the US, a woman is assaulted. [2]

I suppose the reason this memory is so difficult for me to speak about is because, now as an adult, I can see how lucky I am to have survived and gotten away. Leaving an abusive relationship is the most dangerous time… according to the Domestic Violence Intervention Program reports that women are 70 times more likely to be killed in the 2 weeks after leaving. [2] At 16, I was unable to see this, and I am kind of glad I didn’t realize the full weight of what had truly transpired. I think that would have been too much for me. But now, looking back, it is undeniable.

I was lucky. I am lucky.

[1] Fast Facts: Preventing Intimate Partner Violence |Violence Prevention|Injury Center|CDC

[2] Statistics About Domestic Violence 2022 (goodhousekeeping.com)