My First Thanksgiving
Well, first Thanksgiving post-divorce, without the kids. Actually, I think this is the first holiday I have EVER spent without my children.
I wasn’t totally sure what my plans were going to be or how I would feel about this. As the day approached, I experienced a full spectrum of emotions.
I figured I had a few options for how to feel about this.
- Option 1 – feel sad, miserable. Whine like a child over something I cannot control or change.
- Option 2 – plow forward, with a grateful heart and smile on my face.
Option 2 please. It’s not unreasonable for me to think I can be grateful this season. I have a lot to be thankful for.
I have always been a glass-half-full girl. I can find a silver lining in just about the darkest places.
But seriously, isn’t there always something to be grateful for?
For me, Thanksgiving (the holiday) is a specific meal. Exactly the way my mom used to make it. Roasted turkey, homemade stuffing, green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, cheesy hashbrown casserole, cranberry sauce, Parker House rolls. Mom always has deviled eggs too, but for obvious reasons, I omit them from my table.
I keep forgetting the fruit salad. My grandma’s fruit salad is always a staple at our holiday meals. My cousin posted a pic on Facebook of her Thanksgiving plate, and that’s when I noticed it. I think it escaped my memory because the base is custard… which makes it a no-go at my house.
But – it is SO delicious!
My mouth is literally watering thinking about it.
Therefore, if Thanksgiving is about a specific menu and sharing it with people I love, does the calendar date matter? No, I don’t think it does.
I made the big meal for us – that’s me and the kids – last week. We chowed down. It was so delicious. Next up was a Thanksgiving lunch at church and finally a Friendsgiving.
If you’re counting, that was 3 Thanksgiving’s for me to spend with my kids. 4 for Remy actually, since he had a feast at school.
So sure, I could be sad that my babies were going to be away for a few days… but I chose to be happy. I chose to appreciate the time I had with them and appreciate the time I had without them.
I have always been the maker of holiday magic in our house. I love holidays – decorating, festive foods, gifts, laughs, family – everything about them. But I also realize that the actual calendar date does not make the holiday special.
Will they remember missing a Thanksgiving with Mom? Unlikely, since we had 3 together (4 in Remy’s case).
Divorce has changed the landscape of our lives. Not to put too fine a point on it, but holidays should change over the course of the kids’ lives. Once they grow up and get married, they will have created a new family… a new family unit that deserves to create its own way of handling the holidays (and everything else).
If I have done my job well, all three kids will grow up, move off, get married, and create their own families and traditions.
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