Chapter 9: Goodbye 2023, Hello 2024
As this year is nearing its close, I can’t help but reflect on what a wild one it has been. I know I joked many times that 2023 tried to kill me, but honestly, I have a sense of peace and pride when I look back at the last calendar year.
According to Kelly Clarkson, what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger. And isn’t that the truth?
Goodbye 2023
So yes, I experienced a few of life’s big negative stresses – divorce, job loss, moving. I also can’t ignore these chapters – I stripped myself down and shared my darkest secrets and fears.
Let’s deal with the easiest one first. The job. It feels odd to even put this on the list, but it was a big moment over the summer. And the timing of it hurt (6 days after my divorce was finalized). After getting over the sting, I picked myself up, dusted off, and got to work building the life I ultimately want and deserve.
Moving and divorce are intricately intertwined. I moved because of the divorce. The actual move was good… even though earlier that week an anxiety attack sent me to the ER. With time in my new space, I was able to relax. Through all of the self-reflecting, therapy, and researching I have done, I learned that my nervous system was resetting – I had been living in a state of flight, fight, fawn, or freeze for who-knows how long, probably decades.
This safe, calming space is what has allowed me the ability to dig into my past, evaluate my choices, and create a loving future.
I do not for one minute regret the decision to get divorced. That is not to say that it wasn’t sad, difficult, nerve-wracking, terrifying. But it was the right one.
Our marriage wasn’t perfect. Obviously. Spoiler: there is no such thing as a perfect one. The smear campaign that was launched has been quite the show (if we are being honest, it launched before I said goodbye). To quote Taylor Swift, Did you think I wouldn’t hear all the things you said about me?
One of the most important lessons I have learned – probably a trauma survivor spidey sense thing – is to pay attention when people speak badly of other people. Consider the situation… who are they speaking ill of?- is it someone they “love” or don’t like? If they will talk badly of someone they love, they most definitely will stab you in the back one day.
Remember kids, vents go into other rooms. What you say, can and will get around.
Long story real short and with very vague details, I am not ready to go into specifics. Suffice it to say, I had to go. Sometimes, that is the right choice. I don’t expect everyone to understand, not everyone has heard my side.
The final big, emotional stressor for me was opening up to share my story. I was terrified. There was no possible way for me to predict how it was going to be received. And as a friend pointed out a few weeks ago, it is emotionally exhausting to metaphorically strip down and allow everyone to look.
Hello 2024
Taking all of this stuff into consideration, I still smile when reflecting on the year. I am SO proud of myself for facing the fears – fear of rejection, fear of the unknown, and more. Those were some of the biggest steps I could ever have taken. Sometimes the ground felt shaky and unsteady, but I just kept going. One step at a time.
And now, I am confident, happy, at peace, and ready to walk into 2024 with my head held high. What will next year bring? I have no idea.
I do not like resolutions. Just the term. I love the idea of setting goals for the year. Resolutions though are usually broken. Goals, not so much.
I’ve got a handful for 2024 Mindy.
- Read through the Bible.
- Walk 4-5 times per week for at least 30 minutes.
- Read 24 books.
- Write more.
I am confident these four things will help me grow in the ways that I want.
Are you following along on YouTube or TikTok? You should be.
